


Harry talks to Sirius and Remus

by pckdrg



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 12:43:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20564531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pckdrg/pseuds/pckdrg
Summary: Harry talks to Sirius and Remus after finding out they were in a relationship during Hogwarts.





	Harry talks to Sirius and Remus

'Harry! Is everything alright?' Remus asked him, face with concern.

'Yes, I'm fine, I just.. Wanted to talk about my dad. Is Sirius there as well?' Harry asked, uncertain.

Sirius was walking down the stairs and saw them both, and sped up to them. He sat down.

'What's happened?' he asked quickly.

'Nothing's happened', Remus replied and looked at Harry to explain himself.

'Well.. Something's happened during Occlumency lessons-', Harry started, but Sirius broke out into a rage.

'What's Snivellus done now? Did he bully you? What did he say? I'll go there right now to have a talk with him-' Sirius said angrily, but Remus rolled his eyes. 'Calm down, Sirius.'

'No, I mean, he's the same as in class, but that's not the point. I used Protego against him and ended up in his memories', Harry said.

He saw that Remus and Sirius both raised their eyebrows.

'Anyway, I went back to 1975 and saw you guys, Peter, and my dad. And my mum. And Snape was there too of course, since it was his memory. And.. I don't know. I just wanted to talk about my dad', he said, unsure.

'What about him?' Sirius asked.

'He.. I don't know. He walked like he owned the place, and hexed Snape just because he was in the way, and later, he bragged about his Quidditch skills to a couple of girls, messed up his hair.. He just seemed..' Harry trailed off.

Remus turned to look at Sirius with a knowing look in his eyes, but didn't say anything. Sirius nodded.

'Listen to me, Harry. Your father was the best friend I ever had. But he was one of the brightest students in the school and he knew that. So naturally, when he was younger, he was arrogant. Just like me. We were all like that, infatuated with our own brilliance because we had top marks and could turn into Animagi. But he grew out of it, matured, we all did', Sirius said sincerely.

'But he hexed Snape just because he was standing in his way, he was minding his own business', Harry argued.

'Snape and James were enemies from the first time they met, Harry. I know it's still bad, but you need to remember that James hated the Dark Arts. Like, really despised it. And Snape was a well-known practicer of the Dark Arts with his Death Eater friends', Remus replied.

Harry nodded. 'I also saw.. mum. I don't understand how those two.. She seemed to hate him. My father said it himself.'

'She didn't hate him. She just thought he was immature, which he was', Sirius said and he laughed. 'In their last year, she agreed to go out with him because he relaxed a little, stopped hexing people, stopped bragging about Quidditch.. You know. He because a mature person. You only saw a glimpse of them, but they really loved each other, Harry', Sirius said, looking at Harry intently.

Harry nodded. He'd been very confused about why his mother eventually ended up with his father, since she didn't like him at all and apparently rejected him for five years, as James had said in the memory. But he trusted Sirius' word. He suddenly remembered something else about Sirius in the memory that he wanted to ask, but he felt a bit ashamed, like it was extremely private. He hesitated.

Remus noticed. 'There's something else?' he asked.

Harry looked down. 'Eh...' he started. They were waiting for him to speak. He decided to ask them, even though it felt like intruding their personal lives far too much. But they had been open and honest the whole conversation and he had already asked them a lot so this would be fine too, he hoped.

'I heard Sirius call you his boyfriend in that memory', Harry said to Remus.

Remus didn't react at first, his face was unreadable. He didn't look at Sirius as well. 'That was true', he said, after a few seconds.

'When-', Harry started.

'We started dating in our fourth year', Sirius said quickly. He glanced at Remus, who was still not looking at him.

'I never knew. Why didn't you tell me?' Harry asked, surprised.

They both fell silent. Remus looked at Sirius, at last. They seemed to be having a conversation with their eyes only.

'It's okay if you don't want to tell me', Harry said quietly. 'I was just curious.'

The sound of Harry's voice seemed to snap Remus out of the stare down and he started to talk. 'No, it's fine, of course you're curious. We didn't tell you because we never really talked about our past, except about your parents. It wasn't really relevant in those conversations, do you know what I mean?'

Harry nodded. 'How long were you in a relationship?'

'The whole school period after our fourth year', Sirius answered quietly.

'So you broke up when..' Harry didn't finish the sentence. The words had slipped out of his mouth and he felt bad for asking. 'Sorry', he said quickly.

Sirius' eyes were filled with sadness, but he quickly recomposed himself. 'No, it's fine, Harry. I got sent to Azkaban one year after graduation, Remus and I were living together that year, and well..' He shrugged. Remus looked down at his hands and bit his lip.

Harry's mind was racing. Remus and Sirius were living together right now too. Was it possible..? Had it not been for Azkaban, they probably would've still been together.. he thought. Maybe they still loved each other.

'Are you okay, Harry?' Remus asked, because Harry hadn't been saying anything.

'Yeah, yes, I'm okay with it. Of course. Makes sense, now I think about it', he answered quickly.

For the first time, a smile came onto Remus' face.

'Do the others know? The Order? Or am I meant to keep it a secret?' Harry asked, scratching his head.

'Oh they know. You don't have to keep it a secret', Sirius said, smiling at him. 'But thanks for asking.'

Harry nodded. He had noticed how awkward they had been about this subject, but in a positive way, so he decided to push his luck.

'Well, I need to go, I've already been here much longer than planned, but I just wanted to say that I'd be fine with it too if you were together again.' He stood up. 'See you at Christmas!'

He saw a dumbstruck Sirius gazing at him and a flushed Remus and he saw the latter open his mouth to say something, but shut it again.

'Yes, see you at Christmas, Harry', Sirius said quietly, and he stood up and walked away from the fireplace. Remus forced an awkward smile at Harry as Harry stood up too and waved at them. Remus didn't follow after Sirius immediately, but sat there, thinking.

Later that evening, Remus felt as if Sirius was avoiding him. He had been really short with him all day since the conversation with Harry. Remus sighed. He couldn't blame him.

He walked upstairs and knocked on the door of Sirius' old room. No reply.

He opened the door slowly, and saw Sirius asleep on his bed. Remus looked at him. Sirius had been so hurt and pained all the time because of his time in Azkaban, but when he was asleep he was really peaceful. It had always been like that, even in their school days. Remus would wake up before Sirius and look at an extremely content looking boy, curled up against him. He quickly pushed the memory away, because it made him feel nervous.

He started to walk away and let Sirius sleep, but he heard him say 'Remus?'

'Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up', he replied, walking back into the room.

Sirius yawned. 'No, it's fine. I should stay awake, otherwise I won't sleep tonight.'

Remus nodded. There was the awkward atmosphere again. He didn't know what to say, because apparently Sirius didn't want to talk about the subject either, so he looked around the room.

There were loads of pictures of motorbikes, Gryffindor banners, the Marauders.. And also girls.

Sirius saw him look around. 'Took me quite some time to get those up with a permanent Sticking Charm. It drove my mother mad because she couldn't get them down.' He grinned. He nodded his head at the pictures of the barely-dressed girls. 'I would've taken those down, but the Charm is too strong.'

Remus smiled at him. 'No offence taken.'

Sirius looked up at him. He stared at him a few seconds and it made Remus feel uneasy. Sirius could always look right into his soul with his grey eyes.

'Why did you really came in into this room? Not just to watch me sleep, I suppose?' he asked, his voice all serious now.

Remus looked at him and shook his head. 'I wanted to talk to you.'

He saw Sirius swallow. 'Alright.'

Remus hesitated, but then walked over to him and sat down on the bed. Sirius sat up and crossed his legs. He looked up at Remus expectantly.

'I was just thinking about what Harry said', Remus started. He didn't know what to say, if he was honest to himself. He didn't even know what he was feeling. It felt different than when they were teenagers, yet still the same.

'Me too', Sirius replied, who was looking at his nails.

'Do you.. do you think if.. If James and Lily-' Remus closed his eyes. 'If they hadn't been, you know, that we would've..?' He left the question open, but he knew Sirius understood what he was talking about.

Sirius stared at him. He nodded sadly.

'Me too', Remus replied.

'I miss you', Sirius said quietly.

'I'm right here.'

'I miss Moony.'

Sirius hadn't called him that since they had been reunited and it both hurt and pleasured his heart. He knew exactly what Sirius meant, he missed the old Sirius and Remus, just like he did. He missed them together.

'I don't want to lose you again', Remus said, and he slowly put a string of hair behind Sirius' ear.

'You won't.'

'You don't know that. For all I know your impulsive, reckless self will storm off to do dangerous things and I'm on my own again, and maybe for good, you know.'

Sirius smiled. 'Moony. Always thinking the worst, are you? I've changed. Don't you think I had time there in Azkaban, to think about everything I have ever done? Don't you think I had time to reflect on every bad decision I have ever made? Because I made quite a lot, you know that.' His face was serious now.

Remus was quiet for a while. 'I'm sorry.'

'Don't be. I understand. People will always have a strong opinion about me. Perks of being a Black.'

'Well.. it's just perks of being You', Remus grinned.

Sirius rolled his eyes. 'Okay, Remus.'

Remus put his hand on Sirius' cheek and looked at him. 'I have missed you so much Padfoot, you have no idea.'

Sirius' heart made a twinge at the old nickname. Without thinking first, almost automatically, he leaned forward and put his mouth on Remus'. He expected Remus to push him away, to say that they had to take things slowly, but he found himself surprised because Remus kissed back almost as passionately as himself.

'Gods, I've missed you, Rey', Sirius said between the kisses. All the times in Azkaban where he had been sitting on his own, deprived of good memories. All his happy memories with James and James' parents, the first time he actually felt home somewhere and liked by parents. The first time James called him his brother and Fleamont & Euphemia called him their son. The first time he noticed all the little details about Remus, the first time he realised he was attracted to them. The first time he felt nervous being around Remus, nervous to even touch him. The first time he opened up to Remus about his feelings, and getting a kiss as a response. The first time Remus told him he loved him. All of those memories came crashing back to him now that there were no longer any dementors around, now that he was getting kissed by the only person he ever loved - he'd never thought he'd be lucky enough to kiss him again. He was sure Remus was remembering all those memories too.

Remus looked at him, tears in his eyes, and stroked his face gently. Sirius closed his eyes at his touch.

'I'm so sorry I wasn't there for the moon', he said.

'What do you mean?'

'I promised you that you wouldn't have to spend any full moon alone when I figured out that I could turn into a dog, you remember? I was fourteen', Sirius laughed through his tears.

Remus started crying too now, the tears dripped from his face silently. 'It's not your fault.'

Sirius kissed all the places where the tears came out of his eyes. 'Nevertheless, I kept track, and turned into a dog on the night of the full moon in the cell. And just looked at the moon, thinking about you.'

Remus stared at him. Then realisation dawned onto his face. 'The tattoo..' he said.

Sirius nodded.

Remus took Sirius' left wrist and turned it around. There it was, the tattoo Sirius had taken when he was seventeen years old. In the summer, he had taken the tattoo without telling Remus. Remus remembered being kind of annoyed with him, because surely someone as Remus wasn't worth tattooing on your body, and it would be there forever, and Sirius hadn't thought about all of this like usual, but he also remembered the glow in Sirius' eyes when he showed the tattoo to Remus in the Shrieking Shack, just before the full moon came out. They were happy, the eyes, but also insecure, desperate for approval despite Sirius' I-don't-care attitude. Remus' heart hurt for Sirius, being alone in the cellar as a dog, looking up at the moon and knowing that Remus was hurting somewhere else. He sighed out deeply.

Sirius was apparently thinking about all this too, because he smiled at Remus and said: 'Do you remember almost biting my head off for setting this tattoo?' It was a sad smile, though, so Remus reassured him.

'I wasn't mad about the tattoo, but more.. about you tattooing me on your wrist. I just didn't think I was worth all that.'

'On the contrary, Rey, you're worth hundreds of tattoos on my body.'

Remus kissed him again. 'I like them, your other tattoos.'

Sirius guffawed. 'You don't have to lie to me to make me feel better, Moony.'

Remus laughed. 'I'm serious. I do like them. You look really good with tattoos, I've always thought so.'

Sirius feigned astonishment. 'Really? Remus Lupin just said I looked good? The Remus Lupin?'

'Yeah, I thought maybe someone besides your mirror reflection should say it.'

Sirius pushed him lightly, laughing. 'I don't like looking in the mirror anymore, I look like a right cavemen. An actual escaped convict. Like I've been living in the mountains.'

'You just look a bit dramatic, that's all', Remus replied as he smiled at the other man. He softly stroked his hair. 'Maybe I can wash and cut your hair, it'll make it look more fresh.'

Sirius had raised his eyebrows when Remus mentioned cutting his hair, so Remus rolled his eyes. 'Only a little bit, Padfoot, it's touching your elbows now, not really practical in my opinion. Or are you digging this punk rock singer look?'

Sirius grinned. 'My sixteen-year-old self would have. But I guess you're right. I'll fill the bath.'

Twenty minutes later, Sirius was sitting in the bath, hair sprawled out behind him, biting on his nail. He wasn't insecure by nature, but when it concerned Remus, he was. Remus had gently given him his privacy and waited outside the door for Sirius to call him in. Sirius was scared Remus would dislike how he looked right now, all skinny and scarred, face sunken. Of course most of the scars were because of Remus, apart from the ones he had gotten from his mother, and Remus always felt uneasy touching them because of the guilt. Sirius closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. Idiot, Remus basically told you he still loves you and he kissed and held you. Get yourself together. It's just Remus, if anyone can see you like this it's him, he thought.

'Rey? You can come in right now', he said.

Remus came in, a bit hesitant but smiling. He sat down a chair next to the bath and picked up the shampoo and a brush. Sirius leaned back a bit, while Remus slowly started to comb his hair.

'If it hurts, tell me', Remus murmured.

'That sounds oddly familiar', Sirius snorted.

Remus turned a bit red. 'Do you always have to make uncomfortable comments?'

Sirius turned his head. 'I just make uncomfortable jokes when I'm nervous, can't help it.'

'Why are you nervous?'

Sirius rolled his eyes. 'Look at me, Moony. I look horrid.'

'You look fine. You just need to eat a bit more to gain weight. But you're still the same Sirius to me.'

Sirius bit his lip. 'To you, maybe..'

Remus washed his hair a few times because it hadn't been washed in twelve years, and you could immediately see the effect. His hair looked far healthier. He cut it so Sirius' hair would fall just over his shoulder, and the slight curls at the end of his hair came back, so it looked a bit wavy. Remus caught himself staring at it, the dark brown hair just falling over his bare shoulder where a prison tattoo was hiding between the strands of hair.

Sirius caught him staring and smiled. He sat up, leaning on Remus' knee. 'I've been thinking', he said slowly.

'Really?' Remus asked playfully.

'I did, in fact. Big shock. But for real, I was thinking that you could maybe use a bath as well', Sirius said quietly. He was sure Remus would refuse, telling Sirius that that was not a good idea, that it was impulsive, all sorts of things. But for the second time that evening, Sirius was surprised. Remus had looked at him intently, said nothing, and started taking off his clothes. 'Move over, then', he said.

Sirius looked at him with shocked eyes. He wasn't prepared for this at all. But he quickly made space for Remus. Luckily they were both skinny and didn't take up that much space.

Remus sat down opposite of him and closed his eyes in relaxation. His back had been hurting and the warm water was very comforting. Sirius stared at him and was restraining himself from climbing over and putting his arms around Remus' chest. Remus probably wouldn't want that. So he looked up at the ceiling.

Remus opened his eyes. 'Never thought we would be sitting in a bath again.'

'Neither did I.'

'I like it, though', Remus said softly.

'So do I', Sirius replied, looking at him, tilting his head a little.

'You're far more quiet than before. More calm, reserved', Remus commented.

Sirius thought about that for a minute. 'Is that a bad thing?'

'No. It's good. Lily always described you as a child in a man's body, remember? As funny as you were, it's good that you're different now. Older', Remus said thoughtfully.

'Do you still think I'm funny, though?' Sirius pouted his lips.

Remus laughed. 'You'll always be you. Dramatic, reckless, impulsive, passionate.. You have the best qualities but you always feel them too much.' He stared at Sirius, who was looking dumbstruck. Slowly, Sirius sat up and turned to him. He laid himself down on Remus' chest, and in response, Remus put his arms around him tightly. He leaned his head down on Sirius' and inhaled the smell of the shampoo that was all over his hair.

Sirius felt so content, so complete. He would be fine just to stay like this for the next hours, being held by his Moony. He looked up and saw was inches from Remus face, so he sat up and kissed him slowly. He felt Remus smile against his lips.


End file.
